Trust Yourself

Happy Fall!!

This is my absolute favorite time of year, especially now that I am in the Pacific Northwest watching all the leaves turn bright red and orange and feeling the air turn brisk and swell with moisture.

The pumpkins and Halloween decorations everywhere too.

It got me thinking about the Harvest Moon that happened on October 1st. Typically the Harvest Moon signified the last chance for farmers to work late into the night with the light of the moon to begin harvesting crops, for the weather is starting to turn colder.

The Harvest Moon is just that, it's about harvesting what you have planted and tended to through the whole of the year.

I have been thinking of just that, as I sip my tea from inside the coffee house as wind and rain rip down the streets in Portland.

What am I harvesting in my life right now?

Well, so much.

But what feels the best right now and what I can notice immediately is my growing trust of myself.

I grew up relying a lot on the approval of outside sources. I didn't trust my own judgement and my ability to do the right thing or what was needed. I wasn't too steady on my own two feet. This was for a variety of reasons, but what matters most is it made me question my every move and my every thought, I did't trust myself. This causes low self esteem (which is fostered by setting tasks and goals, and accomplishing them, demonstrating to yourself you are ABLE and ACCOMPLISHED). Since I was not making my own decisions I was not able to prove to myself that I could accomplish things, further diminishing self worth, creating more distance between me and self-actualization. It's a cycle.

Not believing in yourself, feeling disempowered, is tragic.

I see it, feel it, experience it myself from time to time. From friends, clients, and even myself, it dissolves people's dreams, strangles their voice, and steals people's power.

More often that not, one of the first things I work on with clients in Reiki sessions is repairing their throat chakra (personal truth) and disillusioning their third eye (inner knowing).

From years of self-doubt, feeling less than, or being convinced they are not good enough, or trying to be molded into something they are not, people learn not to trust themselves. And the damage of this is pervasive.

We become so disconnected from ourselves through relying on the definitions and opinions of others, we live a life not compatible with our inner self. And this is painful.

It can lead to wanting to escape. Through addictions and obsessions and anxieties, and any behaviors to distract from the reality of things.

On a personal level, this journey has been on going for years. I am learning to listen to what I want, do what I feel is right, and make decisions for my life that align with my inner self.

This took a lot of practice.

And the pendulum swing from codependency to feral independence was big.

We all have a part of our story like this: when we stopped making decisions to please other people; parents, partners, churches, communities, society at large, etc., and decided to do what we wanted for a change.

An utter act of rebellion.

And sometimes we regress to people pleasing, and lose sight of ourselves, our dreams and desires, again.

But I promise you this, the more you steer your ship, the farther you will get, and the happier you will be.

Yes you will run this ship aground, many times! And I believe we all need to do that, because remember the definition of self esteem? In order to value ourselves, we have to prove to ourselves that we are capable, through esteem-able acts. We have to take chances on ourselves, make disastrous decisions, sometimes falling.

I went on a trip to Central Oregon two weeks ago.

I was emotionally and mentally crushed from having to spend two weeks inside the house in Portland, because the fires were so bad, the air inside was even full of ash.

I wanted to go on a trip, there is still so much of Oregon I haven't seen!

But who would I go with? I broke up with the last of my online men the week before and didn't know anyone up here that would accompany me.

To hell with it, I thought, I can go alone!

I ate alone, adventured alone, red my book on a bench alone. It was freeing.

I appreciate my own company and know my own worth. More and More this is evident for me.

And that is because I have harvesting the trust in myself.

I trust that I have purpose

I trust that people love me

I trust my instincts and gut to guide me

I trust my abilities to keep myself safe

I trust my abilities to flow with Life

I trust that I am lovable

I trust my likes, and my dislikes

I trust that when I set a goal, I will accomplish it

I trust that even when people doubt me, I will wash their doubt from me

I trust that when I make mistakes, I can correct them, learn from them

I trust I have people in my life that will support me no matter what

I trust me.

I want everyone to experience this Freedom.

I want you to feel your own power.

To not be discouraged when you fall, but to be filled with the knowledge that everything is ok.

There is no wrong decisions. You may contest me on that.

I have made poor decisions before. I have made mistakes.

But I firmly believe that what every decision I make will either be in alignment with my higher goals and purpose, or it will be woven into my life story as a lesson, either way, I trust that I will get to where I want to be.

What are you Harvesting?

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XOXO

MaryLisa