Everyday we are interact with others; at work, or at home, it's important we are able to have positive interactions with those around us
WHY IT'S IMPORTANT
On of my favorite classes to teach on a group level when I was a counselor was 'Interpersonal Relationships'; basically how to be a good person to other people.
This is not about letting other people take advantage of us, having poor boundaries, sacrificing ourselves for others, or being "fake".
How you interact with people matters:
If you are a team leader or manager, it matters
If you have a significant other, it matters
If you want to improve the relationships you have, it matters
If you want to care for others, it matters
If you want to be cared for, it matters
If you want to have fulfilling relationships, it matters
If you are asking yourself why it's important to have interpersonal skills,
We all desire some fundamental things from each other, being the social creatures we are. We need to be seen, heard, validated, and develop healthy boundaries.
What we often get instead is advice, judgement, or story topped.
If you ask yourself why it is important for you to practice these skills, try to think of a time when someone just listened to everything you were telling them, without interrupting you, and supported you in a time of crisis by being a comfort.
If you can think of a time like this, or a person who does this for you, then you honing these skills will ensure that person can receive the same love and support from you, as they are able to give to you.
Reciprocity (equal give and take) is the other key factor in relationships. Become a valuable friend and partner to others, so that you may receive the same value.
I have had friends in my life who were very judgmental or only talked about themselves when I needed space to be vulnerable and discuss my life with them, and I was not eager to keep them as friends.
I have also been the friend to overly give advice, and have people not wanted to open up to me any more.
More often that not, people just need space to talk, and feel supported to make their own decision for their own life.
Be the friend that people want to keep around.
DOs
Ask questions, be curious. What is that like for you? What are you going to do? Are you ok?
Hold space: put you phone down, focus on them. Physically show up for people
Share Empathy: that sounds awful, I can understand where you're coming from
Reflective Listening: It sounds like you feel confused or conflicted about what to chose
Validate: your job sounds very demanding! I would feel anxious too.
Offer Grace: people make mistakes, understanding their imperfections is giving them grace
Personal Boundaries: knowing what your limit is, and when you need to remove yourself from a situation to take care of yourself.
Ask Permission: If you do have some advice that may be helpful, ask for permission before giving it, Can I say something that may help? The simple act of asking permission, gives the individual the option to consider whether you may have some help they may not have considered. It allows for a shared power, rather than you asserting your self as the expert on their life.
Empower: Be the person that empowers others; they won't soon forget it
Areas for Improvements
Giving Advice: Unless people ask for your opinion, try not to give it. People most often just want to be heard, not lectured. Often we offer opinions without knowing the whole story, understanding what the person is feeling or going through.
Avoid Should-ing: You should have stood up for yourself. You shouldn't have said that to her. Should implies you know better, and that you are placing blame on someone. It's a shame inducing word that says 'because you did/did not do this, you were wrong'.
Criticizing: Telling people they did something wrong is not helpful, even if they were "in the wrong". Being critical of someone's character is shame inducing. Instead try looking at things as wither helpful or unhelpful. Reducing the judgement when you speak to others will cultivate a relationship of trust and vulnerability. People are more likely to see their part in a disagreement if they are met with respect and compassion.
Mind Read: Don't assume the person "should" already know what you are feeling. They don't. Assume they don't know how you feel until you say somethings
People Pleasing: Don't let your emotions go unheard. Sacrificing your own wellbeing and feelings never works out in the end. People learn how to to treat us by how we allow ourselves to be treated. There are healthy ways to express ourselves without damaging relationships, while validating our own experiences (read more here)
Compete: Relationships are not a competition: who had the worst day; who is more stressed out; who looks the best; who has the best life. When you feel something turn into a competition, step back and observe rather than contributing to a story-topping competition.
Balance
As I mentioned above, there are still areas I am working on in the way I communicate and relate to others.
My Journey right now is about balance:
knowing when I am walking away from a conversation to protect my boundaries, and knowing when I need to stay in said conversation to suss out an issue;
knowing when I am speaking my truth and when I am offering an opinion that no one asked for;
knowing when I am offering support to someone when they are having a hard time, and when I am co-signing their bullshit;
knowing what is mine to own, and what is being projected onto me by others.
My boundaries and expectations of others will be different from yours, just as they are likely to change as I continue to grow.
What I am holding on to right now is my ability to rise above ego when I feel hurt, my ability to validate and love others where they are at, and to bring more positivity where I can.
How ever you treat others, is how you treat yourself in your own head
How ever someone is treating you, is how they treat themselves in their own world
^^re-read
And begin to understand why it is said that you can not love someone until you truly love yourself.
Your best relationship with others, starts by improving your relationship with yourself
LET'S GET FRIENDLY
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MaryLisa
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