Authenticity will enrich you life; it will also save your life.
Authentic is when your behaviors, words, and life, match your inner world
In contrast, being inauthentic is when you create a life or act on behaviors that you do not value.
We all have moments of being inauthentic.
A lot of our younger years are spent trying to figure out what we like, don't like, what we value and care about, and what our desires and dreams are.
Hear me when I say Being authentic is directly related to your happiness and life satisfaction
It is easier in theory to be authentic than in practice.
Why?
Social Constructs
People Pleasing
Expectations of self, others, and society
-Being inauthentic breads shame, which is the most damaging and stubbornly pervasive human emotion (Brene Brown, author of "Daring Greatly")
How to Start Living More Authentic
1. Identify your values. Don't assume you know, take some time to write down 5 or more values. You might be interested to see what pops up! Some of mine are as follows: environmentalism, family, spirituality, animals, personal development, helping others)
2. Look for dissonance. Dissonance is when your behaviors don't match your beliefs. Notice what values are not being lived in your life. For example if you value health and find yourself getting drunk on more than an occassion, it might cause cognitive dissonance, or you feeling unhappy with your behaviors not matching your beliefs. Or you could value honesty, but find yourself unable to speak up in your relationship. * just notice these inconsistencies, don't judge them. Judging yourself will cause more shame and spiriling behaviors.
3. Accept Authenticity is a Daily Practice. Every day you will find yourself in situations where you could have spoken up more, or been more yourself in a situation with others. I am not perfectly authentic everyday in every way, it is a PRACTICE. Everyday I am learning more about my personal honesty, my values, and how I can best show up as myself in my life.
4. Be Passionate. Think back to when you were a kid, what were your hobbies? What did you love to do or be or play or learn? My passion as a kid was being outside and my dog. So I know that nature and animals are still strong values for me today that are necessary for me to act on to have authenticity. Today I worked hard and long to bring my passions to the fore-front of my life. This blog, this website, the homemade products, is all me making my passions my life. It didn't happen over night.
5. Accept Yourself. The more you are able to identify who you are, your boundaries, desires, goals, values, etc the more you will find love and acceptance for yourself. This is a journey. I am a couple years into my journey and I still have situations pop up where I am scared to tell people that I am an energetic healer and that it's my dream to help the healing journeys of others, so I stay quiet, or I dull my light so as not to make others uncomfortable. I still do that! But every time I am in a situation where I wasn't fully myself or didn't own all things about myself, I get stronger in my dedication to be fully me the next time. This does not mean you have to be vulnerable with every person and every situation. Vulnerability is also about trust, so the balance to be struck is to be authentic AND in your power.
-Below is a picture of me, as a clown, in outter space. I don't think I could be more true to myself than I am in this picture
6. Own Your Story. I have spent too much of my life telling my narrative in unconstructive ways. I have learned it is important to take control of my personal narrative. To own my flaws, mistakes, and shadow selves is exponentially powerful. What part of yourself do you not like to think of? Is there a time in your life that makes you cringe? Re-tell the story! Pull a lesson out of the narrative, flip it into a positive, "It forced me to take a new direction", "It allowed me to grow", "I learned so much".
7. Be Silly. Ever find yourself getting defensive about your behaviors or beliefs? That can be a dangerous path that leads you to feeling invalidated. If I feel like someone is personally criticizing a part of me, I can feel it like a slice to my heart sometimes. But learning that I do not have to defend myself to anyone is so liberating, and something I am not great at currently. So I try to laugh, the laughter will roll the critical energy right off your shoulders and you can move on with your day. If I truly accept ALL parts of myself, nothing anyone can say will harm me.
Here is what I am trying to say in a song,
"There ain't no man that can save me
There ain't no man that can enslave me
Ain't no man or men that can change the shape my soul is in
There ain't nobody here
Who can cause me pain or raise my fear 'cause I got only love to share
If you're looking for truth I'm proof you'll find it there"
-Avett Brothers
8. Have Alone Time. The only way to be more authentic is to truly learn about and develop a personal relationship with yourself. Sit outside, eyes open or closed, and just be. Don't Control or Critique, just spend time alone with yourself. It is that simple; it may be difficult to do, but it is not a complicated suggestion.
9. Don't Dull Your Light For Others. Please. If you are being yourself, and being kind, and letting others be themselves, there is no reason why you would ever have to dull your own light to make someone else feel comfortable.
10. Know Your Worth. Soon you will start to like yourself. You will start to enjoy time with yourself. You will get to know who you are and what you are about. Then you will start to notice others are attracted to this good and positive energy and authenticity that you radiate. You will begin to understand that there are always people in the world who can benefit from your knowledge, help, love, and understanding. You will see what you have to offer this world, and you will have the courage to begin to share it.
Peace and Love,
MaryLisa
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