Some of being happy can be broken down into a science.
Some of it about practice.
All of it is within your power.
In this post I will explain what the science says about happiness
And some tips to practice on your own
What do you know about happiness?
What did you learn or come to believe about happiness and how to achieve it?
Here are what some leading thinkers are saying about happiness
“Happiness depends upon ourselves” –Aristotle
“Like swimming, riding, writing, or playing golf, happiness can be learned” –Boris Sokoloff
“Happiness is rooted in one’s outlook and approach to life” –Baumeister & Bushman, 2011
Do you agree with these statements?
While growing up, I thought some people were just happier than me, Like they were born that way. I couldn't understand why, but it felt largely out of reach for myself.
Just Smile
Be Happy!
Show Some Gratitude!
Play With The Hand You Were Dealt!
If I could just have more money, I would be Happier
If I got the promotion, I would be happy.
If
If
If
I thought happiness was fleeting, that only things and circumstances could make me happy. And even then, those moments were fleeting.
WHAT SCIENCE SAYS
You probably are aware by now, that money does not equate to happiness.
At least not in the way we think.
A Purdue study compared data of people rating the quality of their lives (awful---amazing) and compared it to their income.
It found that after a certain financial earning metric (around 100k per year for Americans), money had no effect on happiness.
Money does provide some freedom from stress, ability to provide, and travel and have fun, but after a certain point, extra earnings have even been found to cause mental health issues, like depression, anxiety, and substance use disorders.
As our society continues to grow in wealth, we continue to slide into depressions and anxieties.
That could just be because we are more aware of mental health and can easily diagnose and help people who are suffering. Or it could be because money adds stress to our life. Or because we are becoming less and less of a collectivist society.
HEDONISM
These are the things we THINK will make us happy:
money, a job, a strong relationship, good health, and a nice place to live.
Unfortunately these are proven to be WEAK predictors of happiness. They are estimated to account for a meager 10% of our happiness.
Yikes.
The only 'external' predictor of happiness that can reliably influence how happy we report ourselves to be is RELATIONSHIPS (read more here), though forming relationships is actually an internal process that results in external creations.
You can also read more about the importance of connections in my last workshop, which was free, here
So what is working against us??
As long as our basic needs are met (food, shelter, water, safety), we should be able to find our happiness, right?
I think we get stuck in what's called "The Hedonic Treadmill". In 1971 Brickman and Campbell theorized that with every success, there is an equal rise in expectation. So if everytime you complete an objective or start making more money, you expect yourself to reach beyond those limits, therefore leaving the attainment of lasting happiness forever out of reach.
Now don't get me wrong!
There is nothing wrong with Desire and setting and achieving goals.
That's the point of Creation and is necessary for our existence and Joy!
The issue is when we are constantly looking to the outside world to fulfill our needs.
GENETIC SET POINT
Another leading theory in Happiness is called "set point", whereby your genetic makeup and personality traits determine your baseline of happiness throughout your life.
Some people have a high baseline, while other people have lower base lines.
This makes some sense when you think about people who are naturally resilient to setbacks and unbeneficial circumstances
BUT what we know about genes and personality today, is they are "plastic": the expression can change.
Neuroplasticity, capacity of neurons and neural networks in the brain to change their connections and behaviour in response to new information, sensory stimulation, development, damage, or dysfunction (Britannica.com).
So your genetic set point for happiness can change.
And if our happiness is NOT reliant on our external/objective factors, it must mean our happiness is reliant on our internal/subjective factors.
OUTLOOK ON LIFE
Our outlook and approach to life is the most important factor to happiness. These are learned behaviors.
When we are naturally disposed for looking for rainbows while its raining, and counting our blessings when something is taken from us, these are examples of how our subjective view leads to increased happiness.
Basically how positive you are relates to how happy you are.
When it is broken down like that it seems like a no brainer. But it's important to realize that we have to control over our experiences and perspective; therefore we have control over our happiness.
If you tend to practice and practice and being positive, and then you become fatigued and need to explode with stifled rage or sadness, I want to reassure you this would happen to anyone who ignored their "negative" emotions for too long.
(read more about emotions here)
Don't fall into a positivity trap. If you have been reading my posts for a while you have heard me talk about this before.
Pretending to be positive and stuffing down your other emotions will not bring lasting happiness, and is bound to cause an emotional break down.
Here is a review:
Practice looking for the good, without ignoring the bad. I did not get into the school I wanted to, but now I get to explore other options out there! I am sure I will end up somewhere I love.
Acknowledge negative feelings, giving yourself space to feel. When you allow yourself to feel the "negative" emotions for a brief time, you will bounce back mentally a lot quicker. I got some really bad news this morning so I am going to take the day off and practice self care, and by dinner time, I will go for a walk and refresh my outlook.
Understand that things can be a dialectic: both good and bad at the same time. I am incredibly sad that my pet died, but I am glad they are not suffering and I remember all the love we shared together.
Remember that increasing your happiness is about changing your paradigm, how you think about life and the world; it's about changing your perspective. So I encourage you to see it more as a practice than a goal to achieve.
THE HAPPY PERSON
Here are some characteristics of a happy person (Brown & Ryan, 2003):
Optimistic
Forgiving
Curious
Spiritual/Religious
Friendly
Grateful
Which of these sound most like you?
Which one do you want to practice this month?
YOUR HAPPINESS PRACTICE
Ok so you want to be more happy. Yay!
As an energy healer I may have a little more unique perspective about how to achieve this.
1. BALANCE YOUR ENERGETIC BODY. You can start by watching my two part videos on Youtube on the Chakras
In these videos I explain how each chakra (or energy center) is basically a small brain, using chemicals and glands and hormones and energies to communicate with other systems in your body.
Disharmony in your energetic body can lead to prolonged negative feelings.
2. BE FRIENDLY. Please Please Please. Even with a mask on, try to make small social interactions with people. Or chat with people over social media, or text and call a different person each day. The strongest indicator of long term happiness is social interaction. Coining yourself as an "introvert" or "shy" is no longer an acceptable in a world where social interaction gets farther and farther away. You can be introverted and shy, AND value your mental health, and therefore be determined to keep/maintain/build strong relationships in your life.
3. GRATITUDE REVIEW. Start a group chat with a few people, who you share one happy thing with a day. Or when you lay down in bed at night, pick the ONE best thing that happened that day and review it in your head, or share it with your bed partner.
4. VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE. Our brains find more joy in things that are new; sticking to a routine is valuable, but variety within routine is paramount. So try out a new restaurant, bake a new recipe for you and your neighbors, turn left instead of right o your run, start learning a new dance on youtube or at a studio.
5. SPIRITUAL PRACTICE. People whom have strong beliefs in Divine Support and Personal Divinity are happier. Start a religious or spiritual practice. You can discover which meditation is right for you here, or you can start each day with mirror affirmations, or bless you food before eating it, or sitting outside in nature with reverence.
6. ASK. If being curious is the highway to happiness as well, make sure to be inquisitive! Ask "How Can I Help" "What Do You Need" "How Do You Feel" "What Is That Like". Learn more about facilitating discovery and expansion here
7. LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE. To truly achieving lasting happiness we need to change our outlook and interaction with the world. Therefore it is paramount that we seek the rainbow while it's raining. That doesn't mean pretend it's not raining, but rather acknowledge the rain and still find the silver lining.
8. RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS. The quickest way to increase happiness is to spread it to others. Doing a small act of kindness in which you receive no recognition is profound. You can leave a note on a strangers car with 5 bucks explaining their next coffee is on you. Or leave a sticky note with an affirmation on a mirror in a restaurant. Bring up your neighbors trash bin. Or send a care package to your grandparents. Let someone go in front of you in line. Etc!
HAPPINESS
Happiness is a muscle, it needs to be worked out everyday.
Happiness is contagious, the more you give, the more you get
Happiness is a practice, it needs your active participation.
Happiness is yours for the taking.
LET'S GET FRIENDLY
Like this post? Share it!
Follow my Youtube Channel for more tips HERE
Or sign up for my weekly email with new inspiring and informative blog posts like this!
Some of my more in depth and self-help content is for subscription members only (with exclusive workshops and meditations too!)
You can try a subscription for free for 7 days here
Don't forget to check out the apothecary products for your Wellness Here
Follow me on instagram for spiritual and emotional health tips here
I am glad to get to know other seekers like you!
Let's build a community
XOXO
MaryLisa
Comments